An untold story...

“How this heart bears so much happiness...

How this heart bears so much sadness…”

“Oui!!”

“Hey, how are you, my girl?”

“Fine, come to JP Park at 5. Want to talk.”

“Sure, my girl. But about what?”

“Come, will let you know.”

“Ok. Got some work, catch you later.”

The day has finally come for me, to say what I had always dreamt of in all these years.

***

“Eyes which you saw, every second you saw

Can’t we get it as an unasked boon?”

I was standing at the bus station waiting for the bus, and then I suddenly saw a face. There was a resemblance in that face, but I was unable to recognize it. He went away, only to return back. It seems like he identified me. On looking closer and seeing his boyish smile and serious eyes, I recognized him. We exchanged compliments and our numbers too. Well, the journey started here.

            It was more of a childhood friend’s re-union, but with more vigor. Time flied, from days to months and I felt something, which I never did. I seemed to be free with him, opening up seemed easier, sharing seemed easier. Everything seemed easier with him around. And so, the beautiful season of my life, called love started without my knowing it. Life looked more beautiful than before and so did the inner fantasies.

            The friendship grew and my desire grew as well. Imaginations knew no bound. I was fantasizing everything around us, be it the conversations, our travels and everything which lovers shared.   

***

“Got trapped in desire’s bait,
heart struggles a lot.
It admits all the wounds,
and again it starts thinking.”

            3 years have passed on, eons of moments have flown by, but I couldn’t gather up courage to admit my love to him. The fear that everything may change stopped me. The fear of losing the friendship, the fear of losing those moments of joy, the fear of losing him, stopped me. Imagining happy days seemed to be much easier than expressing my love to the person, whom I loved more than myself, choosing the less risky one. We all imagine some moments which we want it to happen in reality, but inwardly, we fear that we may lose the meaning of life, once it is accomplished and therefore, we realize our dreams in our dreams, even though, the destiny gives us many a opportunities.

            My inner being wanted to be bold enough to say things, but my heart wanted against it. He was the meaning of my life, but what if, I say this to him, and the exciting element just passes by and thus again, my life turns monotonous? What if, he accepts my feelings? Everything may change, but change has become the fear. I have been happy with his thoughts, being with him in my dreams and our association, but tomorrow, if I speak, nothing is certain. Uncertainty is my fear.

***

“Small Heart that beats inside
it will swallow any sea”

Heart has taken over and my dreams are going to come true. Let there be change, forever.

“Hey…”

“So, tell me, why you wanted to see me.”

“Well…”

I am shaking from head to toe. He held my hands.

“You seem to look nervous. What is the matter?”

“I wanted to say… I wanted to say that…”

I gave him, what I wanted to.

“Roses. For me?”

“Yes”

“But, why?”

“Thanks for being there, always.”

The moment is gone, so has my heart lost its battle. Dreams will be dreams forever. Change has lost its battle with constancy. The secret love will remain immortal, without losing its secrecy. Sometimes, remaining silent serves well.

“How this heart bears so much happiness...

How this heart bears so much sadness…”

***

This is my untold story. My first love, whom I still love, but am afraid of expressing it still. 

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A story which drew inspiration from many a people, books, music and of course from the writer. i would like a name a few, from many a people. They are, CJ, AJ, brother and my dear friend DJo.  After a long time, i am back and once again, my friend woke me up from my lazy slumber to write this piece of story.