In search of...

I saw her under the moon,

Her face shining brightly like silver,

Her feet lightly touching the floor,

Like fresh leaves falling off the tree.

She was in my dreams tonight,

Talking and caressing me,

I was sleeping on her lap,

Listening to her silence.

I wake up seeing the scorching sun,

Yearning for a sip of crystal water,

But to find only a mirage,

I set out to search for her.

With parched lips,

I traverse the stretch of sands,

Aimlessly walking like the dead,

To find the angel of my dreams.

I see a wanderer nearing me,

Is he an apparition or in real?

He talks of my love, of my dreams,

He points towards a direction.

I stare into the evening sun,

Wanderer vanishes out of my sight,

The night falls in,

Bringing back my pain along with despair.

I remember a man say to me,

“take a step forward, only then you know,

What lies behind the peak.”

Determined I set out in search of you.

A journey...

I stood amidst the dense trees

And I saw you standing tall with glee

With grace in your walk and smile on your face

Thanking my lucky stars, I made my way.

“Who are you?” I asked

“Messenger of love” you said

You are my way across the forest, I thought

But my lucky stars had something else to say.

We met many people on our way,

Good people, wrong people, Naïve people, humble people.

People came hither and thither, but you remained there,

by my side, fulfilling my stars prophecy.

You spoke about, one of your kind,

Walking beside you all the time,

Invisible to me, but visible in your thoughts.

Afraid of losing you, I caught hold of your fingers.

A lone traveler joined in,

new to the valley and new to the people.

A little group formed merrily,

with the forest edge coming in our sight.

Our eyes hit a bright light,

Strange were they, called as light of life.

You stood there, saying

“Here ends my journey.”

Traveler and I stood there rooted.

A loud rumble followed by a divine voice spoke,

“O man of land”, our eyes looked up.

Fairies high in the air, singing your glories.

For you are the lucky charm,

Bestowed upon me by my lucky stars,

To help me out in the darkness of life,

And take me to the heavens of memories.

***

Memories. From darkness to memories. From a stranger to a friend. To my dear friends, i only wish that i have you all the time by my side.

Honor restored...

A baby is born. The father dances in merriment saying, “The goddess has finally arrived.” Taking the delicate bundle in his arms, he felt as if beauty itself has taken the form of his child. Her rosy cheeks, her little eyes remind of his loving wife, and hence, he fell in love again!

            The child brought with her the colors of the rainbow. Her shaky walk, the childish talk, her big innocent eyes, her little feet, everything about her was magical. The tinkle of her ankle bells, her gurgling laugh, her every step of learning delighted all. She was, as if, the only reason of existence for them. One found it impossible to take eyes off her. Everybody was awestruck seeing her grow because it felt as if; it was yesterday only the child did come to earth. Years went off like moments for her.

            Time came for her to step into the world, to step out of the protective hands of her family. For her, the world was a dreamland and its inhabitants, angels. She was beautiful, so the world looked the same way. Among them, she met her mate, her soul mate and he, saw in her his dream, his life, his eternal love. Their love blossomed, and their lives became much more beautiful. 

            The girl shared her eternal love with her family. But alas, as soon the name was uttered from her lips, her world tumbled down. Her dreamland looked like, more of a distant dream with all the angels gone. The father’s eyes were fiery, he threatened of taking her life, if the name was again uttered in his presence. The girl was in a daze. She had thousand questions, but thought the better of it, tried to get solace in her brother’s tender arms. Her eyes met her brother’s, his eyes showed nothing which his arms were doing. She pleaded, but no one listened. 

            Days passed. The girl ran off from her hell, but her brother tracked her down. He held her; the girl saw something shining in his hands. It was what she had feared the most. He thrust it inside her, a thousand questions on her lips which found no voice to ask and her heart beat the last time for her eternal mate.

The brother stood up and exclaimed, “Honor has been restored.”

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I saw a 1 year old child, walking down the road, his parents enjoying the moment and then, this thought came to me - "they give life to this child, they give everything to this child. But then, from where did the honor came which tends to take the life itself of one's most beloved."

An untold story...

“How this heart bears so much happiness...

How this heart bears so much sadness…”

“Oui!!”

“Hey, how are you, my girl?”

“Fine, come to JP Park at 5. Want to talk.”

“Sure, my girl. But about what?”

“Come, will let you know.”

“Ok. Got some work, catch you later.”

The day has finally come for me, to say what I had always dreamt of in all these years.

***

“Eyes which you saw, every second you saw

Can’t we get it as an unasked boon?”

I was standing at the bus station waiting for the bus, and then I suddenly saw a face. There was a resemblance in that face, but I was unable to recognize it. He went away, only to return back. It seems like he identified me. On looking closer and seeing his boyish smile and serious eyes, I recognized him. We exchanged compliments and our numbers too. Well, the journey started here.

            It was more of a childhood friend’s re-union, but with more vigor. Time flied, from days to months and I felt something, which I never did. I seemed to be free with him, opening up seemed easier, sharing seemed easier. Everything seemed easier with him around. And so, the beautiful season of my life, called love started without my knowing it. Life looked more beautiful than before and so did the inner fantasies.

            The friendship grew and my desire grew as well. Imaginations knew no bound. I was fantasizing everything around us, be it the conversations, our travels and everything which lovers shared.   

***

“Got trapped in desire’s bait,
heart struggles a lot.
It admits all the wounds,
and again it starts thinking.”

            3 years have passed on, eons of moments have flown by, but I couldn’t gather up courage to admit my love to him. The fear that everything may change stopped me. The fear of losing the friendship, the fear of losing those moments of joy, the fear of losing him, stopped me. Imagining happy days seemed to be much easier than expressing my love to the person, whom I loved more than myself, choosing the less risky one. We all imagine some moments which we want it to happen in reality, but inwardly, we fear that we may lose the meaning of life, once it is accomplished and therefore, we realize our dreams in our dreams, even though, the destiny gives us many a opportunities.

            My inner being wanted to be bold enough to say things, but my heart wanted against it. He was the meaning of my life, but what if, I say this to him, and the exciting element just passes by and thus again, my life turns monotonous? What if, he accepts my feelings? Everything may change, but change has become the fear. I have been happy with his thoughts, being with him in my dreams and our association, but tomorrow, if I speak, nothing is certain. Uncertainty is my fear.

***

“Small Heart that beats inside
it will swallow any sea”

Heart has taken over and my dreams are going to come true. Let there be change, forever.

“Hey…”

“So, tell me, why you wanted to see me.”

“Well…”

I am shaking from head to toe. He held my hands.

“You seem to look nervous. What is the matter?”

“I wanted to say… I wanted to say that…”

I gave him, what I wanted to.

“Roses. For me?”

“Yes”

“But, why?”

“Thanks for being there, always.”

The moment is gone, so has my heart lost its battle. Dreams will be dreams forever. Change has lost its battle with constancy. The secret love will remain immortal, without losing its secrecy. Sometimes, remaining silent serves well.

“How this heart bears so much happiness...

How this heart bears so much sadness…”

***

This is my untold story. My first love, whom I still love, but am afraid of expressing it still. 

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A story which drew inspiration from many a people, books, music and of course from the writer. i would like a name a few, from many a people. They are, CJ, AJ, brother and my dear friend DJo.  After a long time, i am back and once again, my friend woke me up from my lazy slumber to write this piece of story.

First Love

When she said, “Come on, dear. He’s going to come today. Get ready.” Well, that was enough for the girl to jump high in the air and scream and shout. She kept on telling everybody who came across, “you know, I have seen him once, but I am going to meet him today, personally”. She was in the seventh heaven. She started imagining things about him. “How will he look like?”, “Will he even regard me as his equal?”, or “Am I even fit for him?”, “Will he love me?”, and what not!!

The destined hour came. He was standing at a far corner waiting for her to touch him, to monopolize him, to love him and above all, breathe life into him. She saw him, her body refused to obey, showing signs which were alien for her. They were near now, near enough to touch each other. Her hands moved involuntarily towards him, touching him. The sense of touch was enough for both of them to feel, to feel what their heart ached for, all these days. The magical moment grew longer and longer, their heartbeats synchronizing with the movement and the she felt at ease with him forgetting all her fears, prejudices. 

They came, they met and he left, promising that he will return soon to her. She was still red with excitement. Her mother came in and asked, “What’s the matter, dear? You look very changed.” She couldn’t hide her thoughts and she blurted out. Her mother listened patiently, remained uninterrupted and thought about her child. “How time flies… it is like, as if, it was yesterday only, she said her first word, it was yesterday only, she had her maiden walk, it was yesterday only, when she came in crying for her toy whose head got severed and today, she’s a big girl”, she thought. She was just a child for her, but her little girl found her true love, rather her “First love”. 

The bird is ready to fly from the cage, breaking all her protective sheath for her “first love”.

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Well, i am back again after more than a month. "First love" is close to my heart. I just can't say how it is like, when i felt it. Magical, like the wolf imprinting in Twilight series. It was almost the same and remembering it, the same feelings comes in and that's what i have tried to "write" here. "First Love's always the First"....