Looking back, to and fro.

Since I am going to cross a major landmark of my life soon, here is what I thought I should right first. Looking back, at what I did and what I did to make my past look like a Poor Joke Book. My past is weak, my future is bleak and my present is sick of its owner (that’s me, of course).

Jokes apart, looking back teaches you so many lessons, makes you to “peep into your own girebaan”. I have peeped so many times, gaped, squealed wide eyed and mouthed both but of no avail. I am the same, the “nerdy”, the “ever confused” (My English teaching lecturer used to say this, always), the “under-confident” (my neighbor says things which matches with this word) and top-of-all the “non-cooperative”. I wake up seldom, and think, why God doesn’t stop me from doing “things” which I do? I get an answer, the same - “beta, you do whatever you wish to, when you will come back in the sunsets of your life; you will reap what you sowed. So, do not sow weeds, it is in your own hands”. After listening this, what I do is start confessing to my own self; promise myself that this won’t be repeated again, I will be a Good Samaritan etc and what not. When I again sow “weeds”, I forget about my promises and go on sowing weeds and enjoy seeing them grow into something, which later (just a few minutes) I regret the most.

Reading the above lines might get you into a conclusion that the writer is a hopeless creature, do not come to such a conclusion, wait I am writing more.

Well, a person has his own +es and –es. I am no different.  I contradict myself, in many ways. At times I might be in support of a thought, and at times I (the same one with sane mind) might be opposing it. In my sane state of mind, I do not know what I do in my insanely state. That happens with all, sometimes good things happen when we are in such a insane state ; for ex. friendship- nobody is in right state of mind when one befriend his  biggest enemy of his life ;D  

Is it a good thing?

Ans. Can’t say...

Talking about insanity, let’s move on to the next state of mind called sub-consciousness (I wrote cautiously so that the spelling checker shouldn’t disgrace me). In this stage of life, I am, most of the times sub-conscious. The biggest advantage is- you do not have to concentrate on the blah blah of your neighbor, do not have to listen to things which you never want and enjoy the ecstatic world of yours in your own way. Sub consciousness is a treat for me, an escapade from the ruthless real world. Being sub conscious has its own positive “+”s..

It’s my pleasure to describe about the next state of my mind-   ; D... the one and only – ruthlessness. You know, that’s a secret. I am not ruthless as such, it happens just once in 1000… (don’t know how many zeroes) moments . And it is my privilege to introduce to you all to the source of this “state”, it is none other than (any guesses? .. No?? You are so :/ )

the education which I am pursuing. This is the worst trait (apart from others) which it has bestowed on me. I do not feel ashamed of it, but it is something which is important enough to be given a thought.

Well, I can’t write about my all states of my mind here, so I am writing my last paragraph.

Being good doesn’t mean that the world will take you over its head and dance, it will never. I heard, being too straight willed be the cause of your getting cut out first from the world. I am a jalebi, you know (good for me). I am good in my own way. My states of mind might change, but I am the same at heart. The same “Good Samaritan”.  Looking back has nothing to do with this, but the heading “looking back” has to do something with this. Looking back is not about regretting the moments; it is about analyzing yourself, after seeing through your own personal mirror and enjoying it. I might be a headache, but the thought that- I am so important for a person, that he/she gets a headache just for my cause, it brings joy in me and thats why i look back.. and what i see is somebody like me has already done wonders...

Photo courtesy- Veda.. thank you! something got added in my post as  i pasted your creation..